damn you damn you

I am in such a self destructive mood today i feel like killing mysel and everyone arround me, i think i am going through a serious change in life. Or have i just been through it? Feeling voilated, destroyed, used abused? I did it all to myself. No one else me. What do i want from life? where is it that want to be? life is no romance its a constant agony a pain, why the hell am i so bloody ungrateful? people would love to be in my position would give an arm and leg to boot me i am just hankering after things and i dont have and when i have them i will probably want something else. just the restless soul traveller. My posts were deleted they were little parts of my soul that were torn from me

can we even fathom what love is? do we ever choose to fall in love? is love merely an idea a dream? not based in reality does it hae boundries of age religion culture is sex same as love? i am confused disgusted with myself torn

rambling on

i am so bored todaye and so tired my mind is not working its fused i can never figure out what is wrong with me. Xareen says i am a super woman i dont even feel like an ordinary one let alone a super one. I have it all she said a o cry very good personal life and a great professional life in many ways she is right but why do i keep hankering for the things i dont have, can one imagine a mother of 3 hankering after her mother i want ammmiiii and i just to cry my heart out, just to feel her touch when her hands were so special they removed the worst head ache and the deadliest of heartache. she had this unique scent which relaxed me so much it was so good to cuddle with her.

and now i am just not used to cuddling with my kids i want to but